Marriage preparation...

...involving talks to groups of young couples is something that is organised rather well by various London parishes, notably Fr Hugh Mackenzie at Willesden Green, and Fr Stephen Langridge at Balham. It is a priviledge to be invited to give such a talk.

At a recent session, the young people were invited to discuss why they were marrying in a Catholic church. Most of the responses started with "Well, my family is a traditional Catholic one, and though I don't go to Mass much, I still feel....." or "My girlfriend/boyfriend comes from a family that's traditionally Catholic and I felt..." Marriage can bring out all sorts of family feelings and memories. For many, too, a church wedding is an opportunity to reconnect with the Church which isn't unwelcome. And there can be great seriousness, especially from the non-Catholic partner, in discussing the understanding of marriage as a Sacrament...

It's interesting, incidentally, to note from meetings such as this - and other events - the reasons people have for not attending Mass. Most common among young single people are:
"It's all young families - I don't fit it."
"It's too noisy" ("young families" again)
"It's too quiet" (?? But it's a fairly frequent comment! I think it's not really 'quiet' or silence that is meant, but perhaps a sense of structure, ritual, formality. Do they really dislike this, or just feel they ought to say they do?)
"It's boring - same thing every week" (by far the most frequent comment.)
"It takes too long"

I have never yet heard anyone state any of the reasons often given by campaigners whose views are put forward in the media, eg the Church's opposition to female ordination, or condoms, or abortion. Nor have I heard complaints that worshipping God is itself pointless, or irrelevant in the modern age, or that the Eucharist is a meaningless ritual. On the contrary, there's usually a sort of recognition that it's all probably important and even valuable - but just not what the person wants to do most Sundays.

I think there is a feeling that it might be good to go to Mass - but not every week, because "life is all about choices", not about making a choice that lasts and becomes a commitment.

Finally: the reason I would put top of my list: silly songs, especially if led by a strumming guitar, doesn't seem to feature that much....though there is a reverse position: that people sometimes go to a place where there is beautiful music, eg Westminster Cathedral. So good music is a reason to go, but ghastly music doesn't seem to be a reason for staying away...or perhaps it's simply that, because they don't go, they don't know just how ghastly some of the music can be...